Staying positive...

I'm going to try to keep my blog positive from here on out. No more rantings about my husband, no more poor me complaints about motherhood, and no more bitching in general. I do way too much. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, so I'm going to try to do something about it. I have the two most beautiful perfect children in the world, and a husband that despite his...um..'quirks', loves me unconditionaly. Life really isn't that bad.


So on that note...

Jackson has the most beautiful smile ever!

This is getting hard

This mom of 2 thing is getting tough. I'm at a point where I just want to crawl in a deep dark hole and pretend I don't have children, or a husband, or any type of responsibility for that matter. I love the kids "to the moon and back" (notice exceprt from 'Guess How Much I Love You'...Mak's new favorite book) but I feel so run down. If one's not crying the other is. If one's sleeping, the other is awake...and this goes for the nights as well. I feel like the walking dead. Coupled with terrible twos, and feeding issues with a newborn and going through some tough personal crap in counseling, I feel like I'm on the verge of failure. Not necessarily failure as a mother, but like a full system shut-down type of failure. My patience is tested before anything even happens. I think I'm a good mom. My kids are healthy and happy well taken care of and seem to be well adjusted. But I on the other hand am a mess and getting worse by the day. Not to be gross, but I dont even remember the last time I showered...Ok it was Friday before the runion...Wow thats gross. Ok, my one and only goal tomorrow is bathing! No wonder Jackson cries whenever I hold him...I STINK! Poor kid.
Makenna's new favorite word is "mine" and it seems like anything and everything I touch is hers. News to me! So that triggers tantrum upon tantrum throughout the day. Time out sort of works...but its having less and less of an affect. And I have never seen a child so un-bothered by a smacked bottom. I get the 'Is that the best you've got?' look from her everytime. So I dont even bother. I need SuperNanny to come visit to tell me how to deal with a child who could care less if she spent all damn day in time out! Ok, enough of the rants. I gots to go to bed...Jack will be up in 45 minutes.

We're home!

Finally after moving out of the apartment over 2 months ago, we are home! We have moved in COMPLETELY and unpacked EVERYTHING!!! I can't believe it! I LOVE our new home. It is perfect...sans the no A/C at the moment...but that will be fixed ASAP. Our furniture all fits, Makenna loves her new room, Jackson's nursery is FINALLY all set up and ready to go. I love our kitchen! Even though this place is in more like an apartment community, it feels more like a home than anywhere else we've been. I'm proud of our new place. I'll be proud to show people when then come over. We have room to breathe here. Makenna has room to play and our deck outside is like a little Mak size playground. I'll post pics once I get everything tidied up a bit and get the last few odds and ends cleaned up and put away. I can finally breathe a sigh or reliefe. Finally tings feel 'right'...

sister Em

I miss my sister. I'm not sure why exactly I'm missing her so much now, its not like we really hang out all that often, but now that shes gone for two weeks in another country, all I want to do is talk to her. I really feel for my good friend and her sister living half way around the world from each other. At least Em will be back shortly. Emily is the kind of person I need around when I'm feeling down. Not because she sits there and lets me cry on her shoulder, but because she makes me do something about it. Shes more of a "if you dont like something, get off your ass and try to change it, dont sit and wallow in self-pity" kinda girl. i've always admired that about her. She may be younger than me by 4 years, but she is someone I really admire and look up to. Come home soon and safe Em! I need you...

BTW..she is in Columbia, South America visiting her boyfriends family. She flew out of Bogota the night before the earth quake hit.

PPD...

So at the urging of our counselor I am calling my Dr. to talk about my symptoms of Post-Partum Depression.

It sucks.

Enjoy...more to come!

Sorry couldn't get the link to work to put it in...just click here :

http://s32.photobucket.com/albums/d32/liz311w/?action=view&current=7a02ffaf.pbw

The mother of all updates...

So I'm the mom of 2 kids now...

Jackson Charles Lister was born at 4:38pm on Thursday April 24th, 2008, weighing in at 7lbs 14oz and 20inches long.

For the most part it was an uneventful labor, until Jack decided to squeeze his cord so tight that his heart almost stopped beating...very scary! I thought I lost my baby before I even had a chance to hold him. Nothing like going from a nap to every buzzer in the room going off and every Dr on the floor running into your room muttering about emergency c-sections and what not. Thank God they got him back with out having to go that route. He was born with the cord around his neck and a bit blue, but he came out screaming and what a beautiful sound it was!

I got my epidural pretty much as soon as the pain started and I was able to relax and actually enjoy my labor! I love me an epidural!!! When it was time, I pushed for about 15 minutes and out my little man came! After he was born, I felt great! I was ready to get out of the hospital that night, but the nurses and mid-wife had other thoughts of course. But I seriously felt wonderful. Nothing like I felt after having Mak. All the days since then too have been great!

It feels surreal that I had a baby 2 weeks ago. Its wierd, kind of like something is missing. I remember being so run down and exhausted in the days after Makenna was born and feeling like the walking dead, but not once have those feelings bothered me this time around. Sure, I'm tired and missing sleeping, but its nothing like before. It shouldn't be this easy...right? I tell you what though, if I could be guaranteed labors and deliveries like that everytime, I could pop rug rats out all the time!

Since Jacks arrival, things have been crazy though. Makenna actually took rather well to her little brother! At first she didn't know quite what to think, but she quickly warmed up to him and now showers 'Jackey' (as she calls him) with hugs and kisses everytime she walks by. Its so sweet!

We are officially moving now! We got the nasty phone call from our landlord and referred him to our attorney. Hopefully we will be moving next weekend. I thought moving when I was 9 months preggo was hard, but I think its going to be even harder with a toddler and a newborn. I feel horrible having to put Makenna through another move. She doesn't understand what is going on at all. Her room is going to be a lot smaller in the condo though and I think that will be good for her. Her room here is way too big for her and its rather intimidating to her I think. I will paint her new room pink and put up her princess castle and put her deflated Pablo balloon on the wall and hopefully that will make it 'her' room where she feels safe and secure. Jack's room will finally get put together too! I can't wait to have an actual nursery for him! I can't wait to pick up his crib and put his bedding in it! We are painting his room to match the brown in his crib set.

Lets see...what else has gone on...
I think thats about it in a nut shell. I will post pics in the near future.
Thanks to everyone for your well wishes and positive labor vibes! They worked!