Amen!~Whew its a long one....& LOTS of pics!

This is going to be a long one...

Ok, I am happy to announce that I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It only took 3 weeks to get the final word, but I got it! I will be the assistant manager at Oak Park Village Apartments. It is a 500+ unit complex about 5 minutes from home and 2 minutes from Megan's house where the kids will be. It pays REALLY well and has good benefits (so I hear). I will start January 5th. I am really looking forward to getting back to work and getting out of the hole we've been living in. The best part is it shouldn't take too long to get us back on top thanks to my salary. We're by no means going to be moving out to Halbrook or anything, but for as broke as we've been for as long as we've been, this is a very welcome blessing.
Speaking of blessings, I've been going to church again. By again, I mean the last time I was at church for church was before I was even a teenager. On my own accord I decided it was my time to seek some devine intervention. I became a beliver in prayer by following the Kayleigh Anne Freeman Blog. You know the little girl who wasn't supposed to make it...well, the little fighter is stunning everyone and is healing. It is a true miracle. There was no hope other than prayer and well...the proof is in the pudding so to speak. I am going to Unity. A non-denominational church that focuses on the Christ spirit within all of us. I love it. The since of community is awesome and I feel so welcomed. Makenna is going to the nursery room until she is 3 and she gets to start her sunday school classes. My favorite part is at the end of every service, they bring all the kids to the front of the church to sing the peace song. Makenna LOVES this part. Have I mentioned lately how much she loves the stage?
Another wonderful thing that has happened this week is I got a very welcomed and VERY UNEXPECTED apology from my father in law this week. We have had a very strained relationship the past few years, and we have actually come a long way this year. I had already forgiven him on my own, but he had NEVER so much as acknowleged anything had ever happened. This phone call was very awkward, but in a good way. First off, he never calls to talk to me. This time he called my phone and said "honey, I need to talk to you for a minute" I said "ok?" He proceeds to tell me how much he loves me and that he never meant to hurt me like he did and he was so sorry for the way he had acted in the past. Those words were like instant healing to my heart. It was something that I had been longing for and something I had given up on. I had decided it wasn't helpful to me to hold my resentment as strongly as I was. But still there was hurt there that no ammount of forgiveness can take away, and by him apologizing, it took so much of the hurt away. I am very hopeful that we will continue to improve our relationship and become the friends we once were. I do love the SOB...
Our Christmas was great! We did our traditional family gathering at Brian and Terri's house. None of Dad's side showed up except for his brother who came by for about 10 minutes and somehow forgot about my children but remembered gifts for Sam & Jake...nice huh? But I'm not even upset about it. Its just more rediculousness from them. The rest of the day into night was a blast! Makenna and Sam ran around like mad children. This was day 3 of them playing together all day, and day number 3 of no nap for Makenna so she was tired! She slept until 9am this morning and that is way late for her. Then she took a 3 hour nap and went to bed without a hitch. Its been great! The kids were of course spoiled rotten by Grandma & Grandpa and all the aunts and uncles! We also got a special appearance by the big man himself, Santa! (aka Papa) Emily and Christian announced to the rest of the family that they were engaged and gave out the pics I took for their engagement. We made a ton more memories for the happy times vault and everyone left happy, fat and tired. We even squeezed in a family shot with all the new additions (babies, booyfriends, fiances). If you'll notice all the kiddos are in jammies and everyone looks exhausted...that is because it was taken around 10pm after the ALL DAY festivites. I hope everyone elses Christmas rivaled our good time!
Jackson's surgery is a week from today. I am starting to get very nervous. I watched a show on TLC today where a baby had to go in for a minor surgery, and I bawled like a baby knowing in a week I will be watching them stick my baby with an IV and watch as they wheel him behind a set of overbearing double doors. It maybe a minor surgery but it is a major heartache for me. He does have a cold that seems to be moving into his chest, so there is a chance that they may have to re-schedule until he is healthy. On one hand I hope for that, but on the other it will just prolong the worry. Please say a little prayer for my little man!
Makenna got a large box of 'dress up' outfits from her Aunt Ashey. In this box of greatness was a little microphone. She discovered this tonight and for about an hour straight proceeded to sing and perform in front of us her 'rap' version of Twinkle Little Star and her beautiful rendition of Jingle Bells and Wish You a Merry Christmas as well as many other unrecognizable songs. I swear she is a natural. I wish my camera wasn't dead or I would have shot about a billion pics. I am so in awe of her. Her spunk and personality is just amazing. I asked her tonight if she wanted to do singing lessons or dance lessons to which she responded "both, I'm going to sing and dance at Chuck E Cheese!" (of course it wasn't so annunciated, but I understood what she was saying.) Her new favorite phrase is "______ not koporating" ('fill in the blank' not cooperating". Tonight her Jammie pants were not koporating and it was very 'Noying'. I don't know where she gets these things...LOL
Ok, I'm going to wrap it up now. Not that you will notice but I am doing some blog cleaning and getting rid of some of the more negative blogs. Things are really going to start getting better, and I want to focus on the positives again.
Please enjoy the 500 pics I'm about to post as well!..No really, there are a TON!

Cuteness before Chaos...




Now what have we got here?

Wow I must have been good! Santa brought me candy!

WooHooHoo score!

The big cheese

Mak & Aunt Emmy

Jake & Gramma (Jake by the way is HUGE!)

Santa visits


Jackson and Unle Brian

Mmm paper!

more paper!

The Whole Fam-Damily (the 'fun' shot..notice the nerf guns)
back: Brian, Mom, Dad, Charlie
front: Terri, Sam, Emily, Makenna, Christian, Jack, Me, Ashley, Matt

Aunt Ashey & Sammy

Matt & Ash

And finally...Congrats to my lil'sis and her man!

Little updates.

First off, please keep Kayleigh Anne Freeman & her family in your thoughts and prayers. It seems her fight is soon going to be over. (see blog list)

Jackson is scheduled for surgery on January 2nd. Not exactly what I want to deal with right now, but its for the best.

Grandma's service was on Monday. Still not sure what to think.

Charlie's knee doctor is at a loss for what the next step will be. We will be seeking a 2nd opinion shortly. He has had no relief from his pain.

Still no word on when my job will start. I have talked with the manager who assures me that the job is mine, she just has to wait for the home office to approve my hiring. It is 2 weeks tomorrow since I was 'unofficially' hired. I have been applying at other places still just in case.

The insurance thing is still unresolved. *Patty I will be emailing you in regards to what is going on to get your take on it.

I have the best mom and dad in the world. Thanks for taking your 'mooch' daughter and family out for dinner tonight. I love you.

Makenna is...hmmm...well, she's 2. Tonight at the restaurant she said hi to EVERYONE. Oh and at Church she LOVES it when she gets to come into 'big' church with the rest of the kids so she can sing on the stage in front of the congregation. She's not a diva or anything.

Things just really suck right now.

I don't even know where to begin. Nothing is going right. At a time when we thought things were finally going to start getting easier, once again life has blown up in our faces. Its like a cruel joke someone is playing on us. I give up. You win whoever you are.

After 3 months of looking I tentatively get offered a job that I think I will really enjoy. I had to wait on an e-mail from home office, then go for my drug test. E-mail never arrived and for the past week I've tried to get ahold of said job, and can't get anyone to return my phone call or send me the paperwork that I need to start.

Grandma is gone and although I'm not really upset about it, there are some weird feelings going on in my head. But any service to be held wont be until next week, which if this job thing works out, its going to suck having to take time off work right off the get go.

I took Jack for his 6 month check up (a month and a half later). I get more crap for our past-due balance that we are still fighting the insurance about. I tell his Dr about the appt at children's mercy and that the Dr there said they don't do anything until 14 months. Turns out this Dr isn't the one who I was supposed to see, and now there is a rush to get Jack back in for a consultation and get his surgery scheduled. Again, great now that I 'think' I have a job.

The insurance company is still not paying any of Jack's bills from his birth to May 1st. Thats a whole long mess of a deal and the longer it goes the madder I get. I have a feeling we're going to end up being screwed.

We need me to be working now worse than ever. X-mas is going to suck for the kids, but at least they are too young to remember this. Doesn't make us feel any less like loser parents.

Charlie's knee is killing him more than ever. He almost fell off his truck the other day b/c he tweaked it and it hurt so bad.

I'm so tired of having nothing good to say...

She's gone

Grandma died today.

If she only knew....

Dear Melanie,
I'm sure on the surface to you it looks like we are all treating your poor grandmother 'horribly'. I guess Grandpa may be ashamed of us if he were here, but you know what, its not your place to throw accusations. I'm sure when you were growing up, your grandmother told you how pretty you were and how smart you were and how you were going places in life. Unfortunately, my grandmother told me every chance she got, how fat I was, or how stupid I was, or how I would never amount to anything. She also constantly reminded me how I would never measure up to YOU. Growing up I wanted nothing more than to be you. Afterall, you were grandma's favorite and she would have to love me if I was more like you...right? But alas, nothing I did was ever good enough. Being young and naieve, I played the pawn. When grandma needed shit cleaned up at her house, I volunteered. I was paid. Too bad the only 'alone' time I ever had with that woman was when I was acting her loyal servant housecleaner, and all the while all I heard was how I just wasn't good enough. But I got to hear all the wonderful ways that you could walk on water. Growing up I HATED you. I've worked on that. In fact, I've come a long way. But this isn't about you. There are just some things you can't talk about and this is one of them. You see, you will probably never know any of this. There is no easy way to explain my personal feelings for the woman. Im sure everyone else has their reasons for feeling the way they do too, but its not my place. You are comfortable with your blinders on and thats ok. But what is NOT ok is for you to generalize to everyone that Grandpa would be ashamed of us. Keep in mind she refused to let Grandpa die with dignity in a nice place, but you damn well better believe her sorry ass is in a swanky joint at the foot of Mission Hills. Explain that one to me. The only good thing about that woman was Grandpa. Too bad he had to leave us first. You see, the ones Grandpa are supposedly 'ashamed' of are the ones who really know whats going on and what kind of person she is. I'm not judging her for what she did, that also, is not my place. However, I will not cry when she dies as I did when Grandpa left. I will however, be very sad. Instead of a life full of memories of baking cookies, hugs and kisses, I remember being forever reminded of what a disappointment I was to her and that hurts more than anything you or she will ever know. You think Grandpa is ashamed of me? I know that Grandpa loved me, he told me every chance he got, but you know what, I NEVER remember hearing those 3 little words out of her mouth once and I wanted it more than anything. So forgive me for not dropping everything in my so-called worthless life to sit vigil at her death bed. I pray she goes quickly and peacefully so we can all finally start healing from the hurt she caused. Persoanlly, I don't think shes going anywhere anytime soon, shes not done with us...
God Bless,
Your cousin