If she only knew....

Dear Melanie,
I'm sure on the surface to you it looks like we are all treating your poor grandmother 'horribly'. I guess Grandpa may be ashamed of us if he were here, but you know what, its not your place to throw accusations. I'm sure when you were growing up, your grandmother told you how pretty you were and how smart you were and how you were going places in life. Unfortunately, my grandmother told me every chance she got, how fat I was, or how stupid I was, or how I would never amount to anything. She also constantly reminded me how I would never measure up to YOU. Growing up I wanted nothing more than to be you. Afterall, you were grandma's favorite and she would have to love me if I was more like you...right? But alas, nothing I did was ever good enough. Being young and naieve, I played the pawn. When grandma needed shit cleaned up at her house, I volunteered. I was paid. Too bad the only 'alone' time I ever had with that woman was when I was acting her loyal servant housecleaner, and all the while all I heard was how I just wasn't good enough. But I got to hear all the wonderful ways that you could walk on water. Growing up I HATED you. I've worked on that. In fact, I've come a long way. But this isn't about you. There are just some things you can't talk about and this is one of them. You see, you will probably never know any of this. There is no easy way to explain my personal feelings for the woman. Im sure everyone else has their reasons for feeling the way they do too, but its not my place. You are comfortable with your blinders on and thats ok. But what is NOT ok is for you to generalize to everyone that Grandpa would be ashamed of us. Keep in mind she refused to let Grandpa die with dignity in a nice place, but you damn well better believe her sorry ass is in a swanky joint at the foot of Mission Hills. Explain that one to me. The only good thing about that woman was Grandpa. Too bad he had to leave us first. You see, the ones Grandpa are supposedly 'ashamed' of are the ones who really know whats going on and what kind of person she is. I'm not judging her for what she did, that also, is not my place. However, I will not cry when she dies as I did when Grandpa left. I will however, be very sad. Instead of a life full of memories of baking cookies, hugs and kisses, I remember being forever reminded of what a disappointment I was to her and that hurts more than anything you or she will ever know. You think Grandpa is ashamed of me? I know that Grandpa loved me, he told me every chance he got, but you know what, I NEVER remember hearing those 3 little words out of her mouth once and I wanted it more than anything. So forgive me for not dropping everything in my so-called worthless life to sit vigil at her death bed. I pray she goes quickly and peacefully so we can all finally start healing from the hurt she caused. Persoanlly, I don't think shes going anywhere anytime soon, shes not done with us...
God Bless,
Your cousin