I miss him...

I just stumbled upon a picture on my brothers website of my grandpa. I all of a sudden was struck with such a feeling of sadness. Tears started streaming. I miss him so much. I miss his big smile, his big tummy, and his pinches on the cheek. I want so much for him to be in my wedding pictures, to hold my daughter and to share in the excitement of this new baby. He was such a solid person. He was always proud of us even when things happened in our lives that were less than proud moments. I love the pictues of him letting us crawl all over him. The video of the family Christmas vacation at the Lake when he dressed up as Santa Clause and surprised all of us kids. I remember after their house burned down and we went over to their town home for my birthday and he wheeled out my brand new scooter. I was so excited! I remember the not so fond memories too...thanks to my grandmother. She was relentless in her insults to us and especially me. I wasn't quite good enough in her eyes. But I could always look to my grandpa and feel love again. My last memories of him are bittersweet. Lying in the hospital bed he was so positive at the beginning. "I'm not going anywhere..." , after he met Charlie for the first and last time he told him he better take care of me... Then when the inevitable hopelessness of his illness took hold of him, I saw the fear in his eyes. I saw my grandpa cry. I had to leave. The call came to me that I needed to get to the hospital right away if I want to say my final goodbyes...I didn't make it. I couldn't go in the room once he was gone. I couldn't see my grandpa without the life in his eyes. Even as hard as the last few days were, he was still there. The memorial service was hard. So many people were there. So many people with such awesome things to say about such an awesome man. I miss him more than I ever thought I could miss someone. I believe that heaven is what you want it to be., If there is a heaven...he is there...navigating his boat in the never ending waters of his heaven. I miss you Grandpa Rich!