Dammit Makenna GO TO BED!

I LOVE makenna, I just really don't like the phase she is in now. I wish I could send her somewhere until this passes so I can get my happy-go-lucky, somewhat disciplined little girl back.

It is 10:30 and I just caught her downstairs (who knows where the damn gate lock is) again. Bedtime was 8pm, so we are going on 3 hours of not going to bed. I've tried everything, routine, no naps, spanking, reasoning, and she still gets up and cries/yells/hollars at her gate (when the lock is on) or she sneaks downstairs. The horrible bed time is just the icing on the cake of a looooooong day of her attitude. This has been going on for about 2 weeks now.

Everyone tells me 3 is worse, but I dont even consider this the terrible 2s I've never seen kids act this way. She has gone from a good girl to being an absolute snot. When did 2 year olds start rolling their eyes when told to do something, or saying "No you do it" when told to pick up a mess. If it gets worse, I fear for my sanity. She stresses me out to no end right now. Like I dont have enough going on, now she has turned into the spawn of satan.

Yay me!

Our not so great day at the pumpkin patch...& other pics.

We went to the pumpkin patch with grandma on Saturday. It was a beautiful day but, for reasons only knows to the princess, she was NOT in the mood. We did end up having an overall good time, but the pictures dont really reflect that. She also ended up in a really good mood because we got to go play with Sammy after the pumpkin patch. Jackson seemed to enjoy the hayrides and seeing all the new sights. He is so fun to watch! The rest of the pics are just miscelaneous shots I've taken this week.

the start of the day...can't you see the joy on her face...lol

it looks like she was smiling, but really shes just being blinded by the sun.

Family pic.

and the last straw...3 generations.

Jack had a good time though!


the other pics.

When the gate fails & Jack-Jack milestones!

Makenna has figured out how to open the 'ultra child-proof' gate that is on her door. The kind you have to slide the latch over and lift at the same time...yeah...easy as pie now. I think I'll put a child-proof sliding lock on the ultra child proof baby gate and maybe that will deter her escapes again...for now.

Jackson has finally figured out the whole rolling over thing!!! He log rolls now, and I'm already regreting saying anything. So much for a stationary baby! He also laughed repeatedly today! The most awesome sound in the world! I love my baby boy and I'm sad he is growing up so fast. 6 months on Thursday...

10 minutes?

Makenna is convinced that all deadlines arrive in 10 minutes.

"babygirl, its bed time"~Me
"in ten minutes?"~Mak

"the TV needs to be turned off now"~Me
"in 10 mintues?"~Mak

"munkee, do you need to go potty?"~Me
"in 10 minues."~ Mak

"Makenna, mommy has to go bye-bye for a little bit, I'll be back soon"
"see you in 10 minutes"

And so far, as long as you agree to '10 minutes' (whether its really 5 or 15) she seems to be much more agreeable in return.


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Just as much as this stage is wearing on me, I LOVE the way her little brain is figuring things out. She says the most grown up things now. We're still working on the 'shut up' thing. Not so much her telling us to SU, but we never realized how often the phrase is used...especially in kid's movies. We got The Incredibles from Netflix and everytime she watches it, she turns to us when one of the characters says SU and says "no, no, {you} don't say shu-up". Also, I think we emphasized the wrong 'lesson'. She still tells me to "hush" or "be quiet" when I'm telling her to do something.

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Jackson is rolling over now! Back to tummy on purpose, and tummy to back, occasionally in his sleep. He is 5 and a half months old. His cousin Jake started rolling over this week too...he is 10wks younger. I can't help but have a twinge of worry about how long it took him, but I know all kids progress at different rates. I am working on his upper body support. He seems to still be quite wobbly in his head control at times and shows no interest in sitting up on his own. Even in the Bumbo chair he is very 'blobish'. I think the problem is I hold him way too often or he spends a lot of time in his swing. Not enough time on the floor learning how his body works. He has is 6 month check up in 2 weeks so hopefully we'll have some new tricks by then.
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I have my job interview tomorrow for the staffing agency. I am going, but I really dont want to find a job through an agency. I also have an initial interview for a senior living facility up the street from us for a move-in coordinator. I'd really like that job, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. Megan loaned me some shoes to wear and I have one pair of 'work' pants that fit right now. Not sure what I'm going to do for shirts. I have 2 nice shirts, but that wont get me too far. I might check out the thrift store down the road to see if I can find anything cheap but doesn't look like I bought it from the thrift store. I really hope we can get out of the poor house soon. I hate living there.

lucky me

I was feeling perfectly fine just a few short hours ago. Now its 2:25am and I woke up at 1:30am with horrible sinus pressure and pain and that lovely nasty thick green gunk oozing from my nose. I can't breathe and I feel like poo. How do I go from perfectly healthy to this in the matter of a couple of hours...and all while I'm asleep???

m-f-w-y-C-R-A-P-v-q

Today Makenna was playing with her letter magnets and Megan walked into the kitchen and started laughing. She told me to come see what my little prodigy had spelled with her letters. m,f,w,y,v&q are all blue & green, but right in the middle is C-R-A-P in bright yellow and red! She had no clue what we were laughing at, but she thought it was amusing just the same. She even agreed to let me snap a quick pic of her next to her 'wetters'.

This funny little moment is brought to you by the number 2 and the letters C-R-A & P!

pretty pictures...

...of pretty kids!

Makenna meets the Backyardigans!



The kids at the Farmstead...I just happened to catch a 'happyish' look on Maks face, she was throwing a fit at the time.


My little beauty in her mermaid shades and ice cream face.


Mr. Personality.


Jack's first taste of rice cereal. He'd love it if he could figure out what to do with it!




what my house looks like EVERY DAY!

i dont feel good...purging my brain.

physically.
emotionally.
mentally.

I hate PMS...

this too shall pass, this too shall pass...


I have an interview next tuesday.
Charlie and I had our fight, but made out on good terms.
Potty training is NOT going so good all of a sudden.
Jack thinks sleeping (naps or night) is not necessary anymore.
I don't remember how I raised Makenna and I'm confused by what to do with Jack.
Jack is the sweetest thing ever and I fall more in love with him everytime I look at him.
Hes talking to me through the monitor right now.
I feel like I've made people mad at me recently and didn't mean to.
I'm missing my friends really bad.
Why do all my friends have to live so far away?
Is missing your best friend a good enough reason to move far away?
(i think so, charlie, not so much)
My other best friend is upset with me b/c I couldn't afford to go to her wedding.
I really want to go to school to prove that i'm not a loser.
Makenna is out with Megan and I miss them both.
I feel sick...but I'm not sick.
I'm exhausted.
Charlie had to take 'my' car b/c the cavalier is out of gas and we have no money for gas.
There is nothing in our fridge or pantry for dinner.
We took Mak to her first trial Gym class and she LOVED it, but we can't afford for her to go.
I still love my husband & i'm glad we made it through our fight & he still held me that night.
Makenna is obsessed with the fish at Bass Pro shop so we're going there AGAIN this weekend.
I'm ready for things to not be so stressful.
It could be worse and I should be thankful for what we do have.

why it affects me.

I just had an hour long phone conversation with our counselor. Charles and I have a cycle, well many of them actually, that we are having a hard time breaking. The one in question today, is a pretty major one concerning finances...and lack of. We have a good streak of getting along great (usually when there is money in the bank) then it all ends in what I can only discribe as a 'big bang' (when the money is low or non-existent). It sucks to have money control so much of your life, and it sucks even more to have it cause such massive fights that make you want to throw in the towel.
This time, I knew the bang was coming when I checked the bank account and discovered that my very carefully executed plan to not go overdrawn had failed miserably due to some behind-my-back transactions by my husband. I called him and he immediately 'had to go' convieniently. Feeling my blood pressure rise at an amazing speed, I decided to take a different approach. I called our counselor and asked her for help to calm me down. To get me back to 'me' so to speak, with the hopes that we might be able to avoid such a huge fight. I'm so glad I did this, because in our phone session, I realized a lot about myself. I realized that I get so mad (aside from obvious reasons) because this is a cycle that I carry with me from my childhood. I dont think my childhood was bad by any means but a large part of it was hearing my parents fight...a lot...about money. I know Mom reads this, and I'm not going to go into detail, but she knows, she was there. I know what money and lack of it can do to a marriage. I fear this happening to me and my marriage.
I learned that what we fear we allow to control us which is what I have done. By being so fearful of becoming 'my parents' I have become them. Instead of allowing myself to break the cycle, I became comfortable in it and am left with repeating it over and over. Now sure, Charles has a part in this as well, which she will address durring a private session with him, but I can only control how I react in these situations. I also did something I shouldn't have, but to me in my reaction it was the only thing I knew to do to keep this from happening. I cancelled his debit card. He is not aware of this yet, but when he finds out, he is not going to be happy. I wish I would have talked to our counselor first, but whats done is done. She said she understands why I did, but it wasn't fair for me to take full control over the situation without first coming back down to 'me'. However, I know that as much as it will make him mad, he is too compulsive to have access to what little money we have. The only reason we have been overdrawn recently is because of him using his debit card multiple times a day without letting me know.

I am supposed to remember the Serenity Poem in times like this, which honestly, I have attempted to do, but I am going to try to recite it to myself before I fly off the handle in the future...

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

Oh great...it starts...

We have been working on words that Makenna has picked up that we would perfer her not use. Thank goodness she hasn't really said any of the 'bad' words yet, but she has started saying "shut up" quite often. Never in a mean way, just something that would slip out here and there while playing. We have tried to limit our use of the phrase and replacing it with "hush" or "be quiet please".
So tonight, after we had a pretty good weekend, we were starting our bedtime routine at normal time, with nothing out of the ordinary. Makenna decided that she wasn't ready for bed. We put her diaper on for bed, and immediately told us "I peed". So we take her diaper off to check and sure enough she peed. Normally, it wouldn't be a big deal, but she had that 'look' in her eye...like this was not an accident. This was a calculated pee. I ask her if she needs to go to the potty anymore before her new diaper gets put on. She says yes. I told her that she needed to go quickly because it was bed time. She goes to the bathroom and slams the door and shouts for us to "yeeme awone". I go in after her and tell her that she is not to talk to mommy and daddy like that and she is deffinitely not to slam the doors. To this she responds at the top of her lungs, clear as day, "SHUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUP!"
Needless to say her bathroom trip was over and she went quickly to bed.