feeling ugly.

I'm not following my stay positive post for a minute.
I just feel really ugly lately. Like pretty much repulsive. I look in the mirror and just want to cry. I dont know how I ended up looking like this. I realize I just had a baby, but thats just an excuse to make me feel better. Then on top of everything, Charlie and I still haven't...um...well you know...since long before I had the baby, and tonight I thought might be the night. I asked him if he wanted to go to bed...together...without the baby... and he said NO. I know he is tired, and his knees hurt, but he has given me so much shit the past few months about me not...well...you know, and for him to turn me down tonight just really kind of sucked. I know that I should at least go talk to him and tell him how I'm feeling, but I know that I can't do that without turning into a big pile of hormonal blubber...literally. All I can think is I must be so nasty, no wonder he doesn't want to be 'with' me...even though I know its not true. I'm just really feeling sorry for myself right now and I hate it.