I'm having a baby tomorrow!!!

And I'm freaking out!

Its going to hurt like hell...
I'm never going to sleep again...
Makenna is going to hate me...
My husband isn't going to help out...
We are going to be so broke it isn't funny...
and...
we are moving again very soon.

Can't wait!

Ok pity party is now over.

I am excited though. I can't wait to see who Jackson looks like and what kind of personality he has...(please God let him be like Mak) I got a baby swing today! Terri and I went to Babies R Us and there was one on clearance that was returned w/o a box so it was nicely discounted. She offered to pay half of it for our welcome baby gift! I love her! Makenna has already gotten in trouble for playing on it, so I can tell things are going to be fun...

Bettter get some rest! We have to be at the hospital at 6:45am...Yay!

6 days to go...

Jackson will be born at the very latest Thusday April 24th!!!

I had my last appt on thursday and once again, by BP is high again. This time though, it didn't come down after resting. My midwife wanted to induce me ASAP, but since I am suffering from a horrendous cold, she scheduled me for next thursday for induction. She also put me on modified bed rest which means staying off my feet as much as possible. I am cutting back my hours at work from here out, but not by much since my work load isn't really demanding anyway. I am just leaving a couple hours early each day to try to get some extra rest. We sort of have everything ready. Jackson's crib still hasn't arrived yet, which isn't that big of deal since he wont even be using it for awhile. My friend Alisha loaned us a bassinet and we have the pack'n'play bassinet set up next to our bed. We'll use Alisha's down stairs. We are supposed to be packing my 'to go' bag, but that isn't happening... but I wont go there right now...


In other news...
It looks like we will be moving again very soon. Like in 3 weeks or less. Nothing like moving when you're 9 months pregnant then turning around and moving again with a brand new baby! There are just too many issues we are having with the house. We have a lawyer taking care of everything, so hopefully things will go smoothly. Actually, we will most likely be moving into the rental condo that this lawyer happens to have available! (He is my dad's buddy) So things look like they are going to be a lot better... I'm convinced that it is the house that is making me sick since I am NEVER sick and I've pretty much been sick since we moved and Makenna has had it and so has Charles. Plus we have mice the size of small rats here....LOVELY!

2 steps forward, 4 steps back...

I know I am heated right now, so I probably am not going to be very nice, but I am so angry and disappointed with my husband right now. I can not trust him to put us, as in our family, as his priority. I can't trust him to do the things he says he is going to do. I am so upset about how he has excuses for everything. I'm incredibly hurt that he says he doesn't want me doing all these things around the house and tells me that he will get them done, but just like clockwork, I end up doing them b/c (as in the case of this evening) he 'fell asleep'. How am I supposed to trust him when he will not keep his promises and uphold his end of HIS bargains. My ankles are the size of Texas, and they have been since yesterday. I have been busting my ass to get all the laundry caught up and done this week and there were only 2 loads left to do. We had girls night tonight, which I ended up taking Makenna to, not because Charles was working late, but because he wanted to be able to get the rest of the laundry done without worrying about her. I call him on my way home and SHOCKER he tells me I just woke him up and "gee babe, I didn't get anything done"...So not only do I miss out on my one evening out alone after busting my ass all week, the shit that he promised to get done was left for me to take care of...AFTER I got Mak down for bed. There is a bunch of other crap too, but this is enough for now I think. I tried to have a conversation like what we've been practicing in counseling for forever, but as soon as I say why I am upset, he jumps into the same ol'BS of "I'm talking to him like a dog"... We don't have counselling this weekend, but I'm seriously considering calling her and seeing if we can squeeze in a meeting this week sometime. We have had such a good streak, and I dont want to ruin it, but this is rediculous. I tried everything exactly the way she has taught us and it went straight back to how it was before we even started the counselling...so does this mean that all this time, money and stress has been for nothing?

Its 3:41am and I'm awake...

I woke up about a half hour ago, and can't go back to sleep. My feet are so swollen I look like I have Shrek feet. I forgot to take off my wedding ring before bed, so my poor finger looks like a sausage stuffed beyond capacity and I can't get the ring off. I had to pee, so I went, but then I was soooooooooo thirsty, so I chugged another big glass of water, which means I will be up peeing in an hour again anyway.
Makenna has been throwing HUGE tantrums at bed time all of a sudden. Like to the point where I thought she was going to make herself sick tonight the way she was carrying on. I feel so bad for her, I'm sure all these changes with the new place, getting everything ready for Jackson and her becoming a big girl are just messing with her head. She has been wanting to rock everynight. As long as we rock her, she is ok, but if we try to go to bed w/o the rocking, the tantrum begins. But I dont really want to have to go back to rocking her every night. I haven't done that since she was about 1. Although, I guess rocking her isn't that big of a deal. I just hate to get into the habit to the point where she WILL NOT go to sleep on her own again. She has always been such a great bed time kid so I'm deffinitely not used to this.
Ok, its 3:50 am now, so I am going to attempt to go back to sleep...although my bedroom is up all those stairs, so I might just crash on the couch the rest of the night.

Nesting is in full effect...

I am absolutely freaking exhausted after spending a large portion of the day at Power Play for Sammy's 5th birthday party. Makenna had a great time! When we got home, we had Mom over for dinner then she left and something just clicked in me. I HAD to get his room ready and the bassinet set up in our room and another load of his laundry done. I hung up all his clothes in the closet. Mak and I put all his tiny little diapers in the basket on the changing table. I got Maks room 'sort of' organized, got her clothes on hangers and got another load of her laundry ready. Then I cleaned the kitchen spotless (which I have to do anyway since we discovered mice now). I cleaned up the living room and got it organized. The playroom is a mess, but all of the toys are in there now. So I guess for the most part, Jackson can come home now if he would like...Please Jack, come out! 14 days until my 'official' due date. But I will be having my membranes stripped on Thursday, to hopefully get the ball rolling. I was 3 cm as of last thursday. I was supposed to have my midwife strip them then, but when I got in my blood pressure was sky high so they had me lay on my side for about 30 minutes and in that time he manuevered himself up high enough to where she couldn't reach high enough to strip them. My bp went back down to normal though, so no worries. I can't wait to have this kiddo! I can't wait to see what/who he looks like. I pray that he has the same temperment as Mak did as a newborn. Well we'll find out soon enough!

Tough day in counseling...

Not between Charlie and I, but I made some pretty deep discoveries about myself. I have a major control issue, which we have been working on. I have to be in control or I dont't feel safe. This just lightly tickles the surface of how deep things got today. It was kinda scary to hear some of the things that I was saying/realizing about how things that had happened in the past, which had nothing to do with my husband, are pretty much getting in the way of my marriage. I had no trouble at all admitting that I am a control freak...I am. But when our counselor asked me to go deeper into why I 'have' to be in control, things got really hard. Its very hard for me to talk about, I don't really want to talk about it. I thought that the things that happened in my childhood I had moved past. I really didn't think that they were affecting me to this day. Whats even more scary is there are things that NO ONE knows about, that I know are going to come out soon. The good thing is, I actually am glad we are going to explore these things, and that my husband, my best friend, is going to be there with me and for me. I actually feel like I can talk about it with him. Things have been so great between us these past couple of months. Our counselor even told us the last time we had a 'bad' week was in early february! Its very refreshing to feel like we do have a future together and it is going to be good! I know I'm not perfect and he knows he isn't perfect, but we are perfect for eachother. I know I'm oozing cheese, but today I felt something from Charlie that made me feel so safe and sure of us. I can't describe it, but all I know was it was exactly what I needed.

Bitchy pregnant girl rants...

Ok, I really dont know how much longer I can take this. I am officailly one of those 'I hate being pregnant' women. I can honestly say this may be the last kiddo for us. It is 10 past midnight and I am up b/c I have the worst case of restless leg syndrome and I can not get to sleep. I had it with Mak too, but not nearly this bad. Its so bad it makes me nauseas. Also I think my kid has an horn or something, because it feels like he is about to stab his way out of my woo-hoo. Then there is the indegestion, the 'other' bathroom ailments, and just the general crampiness that I keep praying is the start of something worthwhile, but instead just turns out to be the 'other' bathroom ailment. I'm ehxausted, cranky, and generally going nuts.
I have pretty much checked out of work. I'm trying to stay focused, but I'm so damn tired all day, I can't really guarantee that things are being done right. (sorry Tammy) I wish I could just go on maternity leave, but I have to work up until delivery b/c...well....we're po-folk...and maternity leave is deffinetly not paid.
I am going to request that the mid-wife strip my membranes tomorrow at my appt. Then I am going to make Charles have lots of sex with me, and then I am going to walk up and down the VERY steep stairs in our new place. Short of drinking Castor Oil, I'll try anything at this point.

Chuck E Cheese Hell! (& other updates)

Oh my god! NEVER AGAIN!!!!

Makenna had a good time at her birthday party though, so thats all that matters! I have a 2 year old child now! I can't believe it. She has had a very 'big girl' week! She started sleeping in her big girl bed, she stopped using her binky, and she pooped in the potty for the first time! She never ceases to amaze me and she is so stinkin' smart! ...and a bit of a smart-ass too already. She gets it from her daddy of course!

We are finally getting settled into the new house. the lower level is 90% done. I still need to get the kids rooms done. We will probably get paint next weekend and get Jack's room and the kitchen done. I have about a billion loads of laundry to do too, but whatever. I'm exhausted.

I am so over being pregnant. It HURTS! I never had this much pain with Mak. I am 2 cm dilated already, so hopefully not much longer until Jackson arrives. I am officially miserable. Now that we are past Makenna's birthday, we are going to try ALL of the 'natural induction' methods...so any ideas??? I WILL NOT drink castor oil though!

Obviously we are set up on the net again...thank god! I missed it!

Hope everyone is well!