Tough day in counseling...

Not between Charlie and I, but I made some pretty deep discoveries about myself. I have a major control issue, which we have been working on. I have to be in control or I dont't feel safe. This just lightly tickles the surface of how deep things got today. It was kinda scary to hear some of the things that I was saying/realizing about how things that had happened in the past, which had nothing to do with my husband, are pretty much getting in the way of my marriage. I had no trouble at all admitting that I am a control freak...I am. But when our counselor asked me to go deeper into why I 'have' to be in control, things got really hard. Its very hard for me to talk about, I don't really want to talk about it. I thought that the things that happened in my childhood I had moved past. I really didn't think that they were affecting me to this day. Whats even more scary is there are things that NO ONE knows about, that I know are going to come out soon. The good thing is, I actually am glad we are going to explore these things, and that my husband, my best friend, is going to be there with me and for me. I actually feel like I can talk about it with him. Things have been so great between us these past couple of months. Our counselor even told us the last time we had a 'bad' week was in early february! Its very refreshing to feel like we do have a future together and it is going to be good! I know I'm not perfect and he knows he isn't perfect, but we are perfect for eachother. I know I'm oozing cheese, but today I felt something from Charlie that made me feel so safe and sure of us. I can't describe it, but all I know was it was exactly what I needed.