Purging...

So I've come to a point in my life, where I am ready to puge all the negativity. I've always been one to hold things in for a loooooooong time, and hold grudges and take things incredibly personal. The last couple of weeks, pretty much since we found out we were pregnant again, I've had this urge to just 'be happy' again. Not that I've been overly sad, or depressed or mad, its just that I've held on to so many situations in my life that its become more important to me to keep the grudge than just 'get over it' so to speak. Its not a healthy thing. I had started to notice that everything I did, every decision I was making I had to figure out how to do it in a way to 'punish' those wrong doers in my life. And what did I get out of it...Nothing. Just building up more resentment and negativity in me when the person I was 'punishing' really when it came right down to it, has no clue that I am mad, or that I've even done something to punish them. Its really pretty retarded. I'm pretty retarded. But thats what I realized. So I've made a point to rid myself of these feelings. Not just forget about it and move on, but to not let them determine how I am going to live my life. Its actaully coming to me pretty easily. I've become freinds with Jennifer again. I'm speaking with his father again and having fun with him again. In fact, Charles and I are really working on being happy together again. I've forgivin him (with the help of a couselor) for the things he has done that had reallly hurt me and I have also learned that I dont need to 'punish' people anymore. Its ok for me to be hurt, but its not ok to take those feelings and let them eat away at me until I'm so consumed by avoiding them or the situation or punishing them, that I've wasted all this energy for NOTHING. I'm in a good place. I feel like things can and will only get better from here. I honestly feel like a heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders and I feel free. As cheesey and cliche as it sounds. I'm free to love my husband again, the way I want to. I'm free to go to dinner with his dad and have a good time. I'm free to be happy again. Ok, I"m done rambling...
I'm going to bed before this kid makes me puke again...