Jack-Jack update

We had his 4 month check up yesterday afternoon. It went really well. We bypassed the shots since he had just gotten over the fever. We go in on the 2nd for those though. But it should just be in and out. He weighs 14lbs 14oz (48%) and is 25.5in (51%). His head is still measuring small at 16.22in (20%). But as long as its growing its all good. His bump is just a calcium deposit and it will either fade with time or it will be there forever. Nothing to worry about though. The dr tried to manipulate his lil'nutter down and Jack did NOT appreciate that! But the more he messed with it the higher it receeded unto his abdomen. So I got the referral to a Urologist at Children's Mercy and I have an appointment on Sept 11th. They will just do the ultra sound at that point and we will schedule the surgery. I'm just ready to get it all done so I can stop worrying so much about my boy.
I really like Jack's Dr. He has the best bed-side manner of any Dr, pedi or otherwise, that I have ever experienced. He makes me feel so at ease and he is so good with the baby. NOt only does he gush about Jack when we are there, he is very good at re-assuring me and my mothering skills. He holds your hand when he speaks with you and gives a hug when you leave too. He is just super nice. I love his big bow tie too.
Anyway, I will update after his appointment on the 11th.

Its 5:00am and day #2 of no sleep

My poor baby. He is just miserable. I am going to take him in to the pedi this morning. His fever seems to have subsidded (for now) but his poor tummy is all out of sorts. He tries to throw up, but nothing comes up, he had a diarreha diaper yesterday and that was the last time he poo'd. I can hear his insides just churning and gurgling. He'll wake up from sleep with the most heartbreaking cry I've ever heard and hes pretty much inconsolable for about 20 minutes until he passes out, only to wake up in the same manner 20 minutes later. I'm exhausted and starting to not feel so hot myself. My husband had the audasity to tell me that the 15 minutes of sleep he's gotten aren't doing him any good, but he didn't mean it like that... I'm at my witts end and do not want to watch the heathen child I watch tomorrow. I'm going to make Charlie call in sick so he can stay here with Mak and Lauren while I take the baby in. I need sleep.

2 sick babies in a week

Last wednesday Makenna was stricken with a pretty fast on-set fever. She threw up a few times moped around for awhile, and then she was all better. I tried to keep the kids 'away' from each other, but it was all in vain. Last night, Jackson spiked a pretty good fever and tried numerous times to get sick, but all he got out were a few good gags. He cried more in the last 24 hours than he has his entire life. I got absolutely no sleep last night as he was so mierable. He was not a happy camper today either. I really hope it goes away as quick as it did with Makenna. His appt is on tuesday and I will not allow them to admisiter shots if he has had a fever within 24 hours.

Jack-Jack's bed

We bought a beautiful convertible crib for Jackson. Its a lovely dark cherry color and eventually it converts to the toddler bed and finally the full size bed. We have the same type for Makenna. When Makenna turned 3 months old, I put her in her bed. Didn't worry about it. Felt it was the right time. She didn't oppose it either. Fast forward 2 years and 4 months. Jackson is 4 months and well, he is still sleeping in our bed. He starts out in his bassinet next to our bed, but I always find some excuse to bring him closer to me. He fussed (he actually just coo-ed in his sleep), he was fidgeting (he actually was just moving an arm or leg), or he was gassy (he burped or tooted). I don't know why I'm having such a had time moving him to his bed. Its just right across the hall and I have a monitor to listen to him. I know we need him to get used to his bed...and sooner rather than later. I just am having a hard time 'letting go'. Well, tonight, I got his crib all ready for him. I put his blankie that he sleeps on from his bassinet, set up the monitor, got his changing station all ready to go. All thats missing is him. I'm not guaranteeing he'll make it through the night, but at least he's starting out in his own bed. Here's too another night of no sleep...(for me)

getting scared

Jackson's appt is next tuesday. I'm really worried about this one. At his 2 month check up the Dr said that we would schedule his surgery to drop his testicle at his 4 month check up. I know this is a relatively routine proceedure, but funny thing is NO ONE on any of my on-line parenting community boards, has any experience with it. I've grown to really trust and seek advise from my on-line friends, and to have not one mom know anything about this, really doesn't help my nerves. We have moms from every walk of life that have gone through some pretty insane situations with thier babies and not one person has a son or knows a friend who has a son who has had this surgery. I'm going to post again to my most active boards asking if anyone has any input, because I just need some reassurance. I hate the thought of leaving him in the hospital even though it is out patient, I still get so nervous about it. I have to be the strong one b/c Charlie isn't, so I have to pretend that I'm confident everything is going to be ok. I have to put on the "I know whats going on, so its all ok" act to keep him calm. When we talk about it I can't let on how scared and nervous I am. Even people I try to talk to just brush it off saying "well its pretty routine right, ... so don't worry about it." Not really what I'm looking for. I need someone to listen to how scared I am, however silly or irrational it might be. My baby is going to be put to sleep and cut on. I'm going to have to sign the waiver saying your child could (although not likely) die. I'm NOT ok with this. Yes I understand why it is happening, but its not comforting. I hate this.

6:30

So evidently Makenna has decided that she does not need a nap anymore. I would actually be ok with this if it didn't mean that around 6:30 she swapped places with her evil twin. She took one nap this past week and every night I was ready to put her to bed at 6:45! She turns into a holy terror. She whines, cries, screams, throws fits, wont listen, answers EVERY question with "NO! we me awone". She spends quite a bit of time in time out after 6:30. I hate 6:30. I've tried bribery, being mean mommy, rocking her, reasoning, waiting until later in the day...everything, and she will not go to sleep. I even have just let her 'rest' on the couch while watching her favorite movie. Still nothing. I hope this is a phase and nap time becomes a part of our routine again...SOON! I used to love 6:30.

hogan~dont read if you have a weak tummy~

I think he is sick. Well I know he is sick. He started having 'regular' diarrea yesterday around 10am. Not really that big of a deal with him b/c he has always had a sensitive digestive system. However, it has gotten 100 times worse and he is vomiting. We decided to have him sleep in his kennel last night and around 4:00am I couldn't take the non stop barking anymore and went down to tell him to shut up. I was greeted about halfway down the upstairs with that all too familiar smell. By the time I hit the basement stairs, I was scared. I should have been. It was everywhere. The entire bottom of the kennel was covered in feces and vomit. Oh joy. I carry his 60lbs ass up the stairs out to the deck trying very hard not to let him touch anything. I hose him off and go upstairs to get Charles. Its his dog, so his mess I think. That actually went rather well inspite of the PMS (see previous blog entry). So here it is now, 5:38am and the dog is outside wanting desperately to come in, the kennel is clean, Charlie is in the shower, and I'm trying to figure out what to do now. I am going to put a call into the vet once they open. We haven't fed him or given him more than a drink of water since yesterday morning. But it doesn't seem to be easing the problem. I hope that its nothing too serious, b/c we can NOT afford a vet bill right now and if anything happens to Hogan, somehow, according to a certain someone, I know it will be my fault b/c of my on-going strong dislike of the dog. But our son has to have surgery soon and we have to figure out how to not only pay off my medical bills from his birth but now figure out how to pay for these new medical bills...Son or dog....its an easy one for me.

PMS

I have a new meaning...
Pissed off at the Male Species

I have PMS bad. I always have. Lately it seems to be getting worse. I am pissed off all the time and generally hate the world. My poor husban dunfortunately takes the brunt of it. Like this past week. We had one of the best weekends every last week and I will admit it felt like we were back in the 'honeymoon' phase of our relationship...the one that happens even before there is even talk of a wedding. Lots of connection, lots of love and amazingly enopugh...lots of sex. Fast forward to this week. i hate him! (not really) but you'd think so. I can't make it stop. Yes I can sit here and tell you all about it, and I know it is there, but its like it has this strong hold on me. Kinda like an out of body experience in a way. I'm not proud of it, but I am powerless to control it. I can't go on the pill because well I'd rather be a bitch than bleed all month long. I am going to try to be healthier b/c according to the Mayo clinic PMS can have a lot to do with your diet and excersize (is that spelled right?). So I am going to set a goal for this week of cutting WAAAAY down on my pop intake and maybe beg my mom (if its not being used) to steal the eliptical machine they have in the basement. I've set a goal to lose 50lbs by Christmas, but that was 2 months ago and well....I've done nothing to achieve that goal. So I'm putting it in writing, and you all feel free to ask me how I'm coming along. I'd really like to get teh Nintendo Wii so that I can have the damn computer call me fat! Nothing like a little technological motivation! Ok, Its late and I have to go to bed now...they say sleep deprivation is also a contributor to PMS...gee imagine that, a new mom is cranky because she is tired...

Wanna watch Monsters?

There are 3 movies that Makenna loves...Monsters Inc, Cars and Little Mermaid. I dont usually let her watch unlimited amounts of tv/movies, but I have noticed that she is completely content watching the same movie over and over again. Right now her favorite is Monsters Inc. The other day I wasn't feeling well, and I asked her what she wanted to watch and she said Monsters. I put it in skipped through all the previews and selected full screen and all was well with the world. She sat in her princess couch and watched. Then it was over she turned to me and in the sweetest most innocent voice asked "watch monsters again?" I said heck with it sure...Mommy was getting to rest on the couch. She proceeded to watch it (not a proud moment) for the rest of the day. I would ask if she wanted to watch little bill or another movie, but she was 100% happy with her monsters. So my daughter watched TV all day and I didn't care. that evening we turned off the tv and played and she was still as smart as she was to begin with so I guess I didn't do too much damage! I am glad that she can be entertained while I need some mommy time to shower or what not and not have to worry about what she is getting into.

disappointed

If you are representing your country in front of the world, how hard is it to just wear your damn hat like a normal human being? Why is it so imperative that you cock your hat to the side or put it on completely crooked just for the sake of looking like a 'bad-ass'? Every other country that walked out durring the opening ceremony looked like they took pride in their costumes and and country. Enter the US team and a large majority of the male athletes wore their berrets off kilter. I get so sick of seeing ball caps worn this way on the street and in the media, as well as pants hanging down past asses and various other 'bad-ass' fashion statements. It just makes you look like a DUMB-ass.

~removing myself from soapbox...

FIL rant

I'm so sick of Charlie's father. I've worked to repair our relationship since everything went down at the wedding, but I'm so tired of him letting Charlie down. Charlie is such a trusting person and would walk on water for his father, but unfortunately, the feeling is not mutual. He is a very selfish man who cares about one thing...drinking. Sure, he puts on a good front when he once in a blue moon comes to visit the babies, but even that is like pulling teeth. He would rather us pack up the kids, and drive all the way out there to see him. Even though, they have 2 incomes and just themselves, he still thinks we, with one income, 2 kids, and no money, should come out there. Not to mention they see no problem smoking in front of the kids. I have forgiven him for hurting me, but I have a harder time forgiving him time after time for hurting Charlie. Like for instance, when he sold OUR harley. We were going to sell it out right but his Dad said he would buy it from us so that we could still 'have' it and eventually when we were able pay him back. But instead of giving us that chance, he sold it behind our backs...for more money than he gave us for it I might add. The bike had a lot of sentimental value for Charlie as it was what helped him cope after the sudden death of his mom. His Dad has no clue how much it hurt Charlie, and I'm about 99% sure he really gives a shit. This all happened shortly after Makenna was born, but the pain is still there. Now he has his Harley, which he tells Charlie he can ride anytime...the only thing is...he wont take care of it. He didn't get it tagged, and then refused to take care of it properly over the winter and now it doesn't work. Why didn't he get rid of his bike if he didnt care about it? Why did he have to take the one material item that meant the most to Charlie and throw it away? Because he is a PIG. I have very little if any respect for this man. I only wish Charlie wouldn't be so forgiving. I hate seeing him hurt.

Jackson's 0-3 month montage

Jackson 0-3 months